F*ck the Polar Bears (NHB Modern Plays) by Ronder Tanya

Author:Ronder, Tanya [Ronder, Tanya]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Nick Hern Books
Published: 2015-09-10T04:00:00+00:00

ACT THREE

Scene One

Sunday afternoon

GORDON comes warily downstairs.

CLARENCE. Afternoon.

GORDON. Where’s Serena?

CLARENCE. Getting Rache. She took Blundhilde to work the Sat Nav. Can I get you something?

GORDON. Don’t treat me like an invalid.

Beat.

CLARENCE. Can you take any time off this week, for the house and stuff?

GORDON. Your tone is fucking unbearable.

Beat.

A hamster was loose in my house and for a moment I mistook it for something, what’s so in-valid about that. I am dandy.

CLARENCE. Of course you are.

GORDON. And no I can’t take time off, I’m in Germany tomorrow, signing my new contract.

CLARENCE. Well done on your promotion, mate, I’ve not said.

GORDON. I earn my money, me.

CLARENCE. Doesn’t come free for any of us, sadly.

GORDON. I keep the lights on, you paint walls.

CLARENCE. Don’t let’s argue. I just want to be sure the company’s not taking too much from you.

GORDON. If you’re feeling sorry for me then you’ve got the wrong end of the fucking stick, I mean, who are you, Big Daddy Clarence?

Half beat.

Who pays for Mum, Clarence?

CLARENCE. Who visits Mum, Gord?

GORDON. Who has time to visit her? High achievers work and work and then we work some more.

CLARENCE. The big corporations don’t always have their employees’ best interests at heart.

GORDON. I bring hot water to babies, heat to old ladies and you waft your anti-corporate morals at me.

CLARENCE. I’m not.

GORDON. I manifest the world in people’s homes twenty-four seven, what do you do?

CLARENCE. Work six days a week, long hours, skilled work.

GORDON. Then lie back exhausted, let Irene clamber on top at the weekend.

CLARENCE. Why do you mock me? Who’s on top in your marriage?

GORDON. Are you judging me, arse-wipe? Put your ancient Irene next to my Serena.

CLARENCE. There’d be no competition, Gord, looks-wise.

GORDON. You’ve always wanted what I’ve got.

CLARENCE. That’s not true.

GORDON. Coveted my things.

Beat.

CLARENCE. I’ll admit, if you met her – Irene has scars, saggy breasts, greasy specs –

GORDON. But to you she’s stunning.

CLARENCE. She ribs me, we howl with laughter, she keeps me in recovery. If I hung out with Irene two nights a week for the rest of my days I’d die happy.

GORDON. Is it only two you get?

CLARENCE. She’s a busy woman, I’m proud to report. GORDON. Couldn’t afford not to be with a partner like you.

CLARENCE. Can we stop this, can we?

Beat.

I want to say some things.

GORDON. This your five minutes, is it?

CLARENCE. I’ve not had the opportunity since, your kindness. GORDON. It was a necessity.

CLARENCE. The kindest thing anyone’s ever done, paying for my treatment. And I’ve undergone changes. I know you don’t trust that yet and I understand, because I abused your trust.

Half beat.

The time I came to your house to look after Rachel and you found me taking heroin in the garden.

GORDON. I don’t want to hear this.

CLARENCE. And the time I used your telephone to complete my deals.

GORDON. Come on.

CLARENCE. And when I took and sold your video camera, when it had footage of Rachel on it and I didn’t know.

GORDON heads to the kitchen.

And I abused your trust by befriending Jane.

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